Why do I have a job that requires me to wake up at 3:45 am to still make it to work 15 minutes late everyday? It is not that I intend to be late, but I honestly feel like I possess a gene that will inevitably make me late no matter where I am going. Doctor's appointments, tanning appointments, my own birthday party.... I guess the main issue on this matter is that I just don't allow myself half the time needed to get the hell where I am going. I don't plan for the idiots on the road that will only drive 5 miles under the speed limit or when I forget things have to turn around and get them.... This may have to be part of my new years resolution.
Just because we have had crazy weather for the past month such as feet of snow and now rain resembling Noah's Ark days, why have several people guffawed the thought of global warming?? JUST BECAUSE IT IS SNOWING AND RAINING CATS AND DOGS DOES NOT MEAN THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS NOT REAL!! A side effect from global warming IS crazy ass weather. Don't be that ignorant.
While in the midst of "historic" rainfall (according to my local news channel) and local officials are telling people they need to evacuate... why does the news channel seek out the most WT family that has 4 teeth between the 6 of them, has campers on blocks in the backyard as "guest cottages," and a pack of wild dogs running around them and interview them saying that they are "just going to ride it out." Five bucks says I will see them tomorrow on the news being shipped out of their homes on life rafts by the National Guard. And then they will sue because they weren't given ample warning to get out of their sorry ass double wide.
That is it for today... I will undoubtedly have more tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Dear Kitty...
I understand that we all have accidents sometimes. You are now 8 years old. You have used the great outdoors to take care of any business that needed to be tended to since you were a kitten. I never even had to suffer through those first couple of months of potty training with you. You even went the extra mile to learn to scratch on the sliding glass door, front door, window, what have you.. to give me a heads up to get off my ass and let you out to do work. I thought this was a great arrangement.
Now... I also understand that you were blessed with indoor "plumbing" (AKA me shoveling out large clumps of shit with longer hair than I have snaking off of each clump collecting all kinds of litter) when we moved into our new place but that was only a temporary thing. I did that for your safety so you could get used to the neighborhood and not get either eaten by the scarily oversized, crazed poodles down the road.. or hit by a 16 year old who just got his license doing doughnuts down in the high school parking lot that we are so fortunate to live nearby.
So... I was was a little understanding when you decided to make the bathroom sink your new "toilet." I figured that was a one time thing. But, when you did it again... once a day for the next four days... that is when understanding turns to anger. Not only am I half asleep at 4am when I stumble on into MY bathroom... but then I have the great pleasure of wadding up my nice Charmin toliet paper and using it to try to attempt to get your shit out in whole pieces, to not leave skid marks in the sink and all the while holding the chunks of vomit back from spewing all over the place... which never happens. So.. the last straw is when you decided to show your new found little trick to company who came over and while they were using the facilities, you decided to make it a group thing. Shitting in the sink isn't like fetching a ball. I didn't want the whole world to know we were having this slight disagreement. So I smacked you around a little and threw your ass outside.
Now... it has been 5 FULL days without a shit in the sink episode when much to my delight... as I was vaccuuming the floor I noticed a little bit of dirt kicked out of my large potted plant in the living room. Now what could that be???? Why would dirt be kicked out of the plant. Did the plant sprout a new stalk?? Did the roots decide to dredge their way up to the top of the pot to give me some kind of indication that I needed to water it?? No and no. The largest shit I have ever seen come out of a cat is laying square on top of my nice organic potted soil mix just like a present under the tree for Christmas. And as an added bonus... your shit covered footprints all over my freshly painted white bookshelves.....
Point taken... the litter box will return tomorrow.
Now... I also understand that you were blessed with indoor "plumbing" (AKA me shoveling out large clumps of shit with longer hair than I have snaking off of each clump collecting all kinds of litter) when we moved into our new place but that was only a temporary thing. I did that for your safety so you could get used to the neighborhood and not get either eaten by the scarily oversized, crazed poodles down the road.. or hit by a 16 year old who just got his license doing doughnuts down in the high school parking lot that we are so fortunate to live nearby.
So... I was was a little understanding when you decided to make the bathroom sink your new "toilet." I figured that was a one time thing. But, when you did it again... once a day for the next four days... that is when understanding turns to anger. Not only am I half asleep at 4am when I stumble on into MY bathroom... but then I have the great pleasure of wadding up my nice Charmin toliet paper and using it to try to attempt to get your shit out in whole pieces, to not leave skid marks in the sink and all the while holding the chunks of vomit back from spewing all over the place... which never happens. So.. the last straw is when you decided to show your new found little trick to company who came over and while they were using the facilities, you decided to make it a group thing. Shitting in the sink isn't like fetching a ball. I didn't want the whole world to know we were having this slight disagreement. So I smacked you around a little and threw your ass outside.
Now... it has been 5 FULL days without a shit in the sink episode when much to my delight... as I was vaccuuming the floor I noticed a little bit of dirt kicked out of my large potted plant in the living room. Now what could that be???? Why would dirt be kicked out of the plant. Did the plant sprout a new stalk?? Did the roots decide to dredge their way up to the top of the pot to give me some kind of indication that I needed to water it?? No and no. The largest shit I have ever seen come out of a cat is laying square on top of my nice organic potted soil mix just like a present under the tree for Christmas. And as an added bonus... your shit covered footprints all over my freshly painted white bookshelves.....
Point taken... the litter box will return tomorrow.
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